How often in life I have found myself waiting for something else to happen, for a change to take place, or for different circumstances before I think that I will be content or satisfied with where I am at.
I know I have written several posts about contentment since the beginning of this blog ( here, here, and here)….and although it’s something that is difficult for me- I have to trust that God is slowly but surely teaching me that my contentment is to be rooted in Him. A wise woman once told me that life is 10% about your circumstances, and 90% about your reaction to those circumstances.
God has patiently shown me His love and perfect sufficiency these past four months in Uganda, and I have been learning to be continually looking to Him for those things.
Before coming here…..I felt like “when I am overseas…..then I will be content and will feel like I am doing what God wants me to be doing”. And as always….life is a good bit different than what you expect. While there have been SO very many things here that I have enjoyed and been glad to be apart of and to experience…..it has come with its set of struggles and hard things. I thought pridefully that I was not going to experience culture shock, that I would enjoy overseas life more than I really am, and that I would easily make friends and build relationships. When each of those things have turned out to be harder than I expected…..and on top of that, feeling guilty for feeling the way that I do in being here sometimes- there are a lot of emotions!
In getting to the end of myself….and realizing that I must not just lean on God but completely depend on Him for EVERYTHING (for a good attitude when life is hard and frustrating, for joy when I feel like I don’t have any, for hope when I feel like maybe what I am doing here is not really helpful or worth it, and for love, mercy, and compassion for the people here when I don’t feel those things for myself), He is proving Himself to me everyday in His untainted faithfulness and consistent love.
Looking to the next season before it is really time to move on from the one that you are in can be discouraging. In some ways, I feel very ready to step onto the plane and just go home now. BUT- that is not what is happening…..and I want to be focused on and intentional about being HERE. Right now. This is where I am at. I know that the Lord has more things to show me, and I want to be used by Him in these next few months.
Prayer in that way would be much appreciated….that I would be content being here for a few more months, and not just content- but that I would live here with purpose and passion. That I would enjoy this season for everything that it is and that it isn’t.
To end on a more encouraging note though……Today was a good day….a crazy school morning with the Island’s team stopping at the Fowler’s before heading out for the week, Menda having to take kids to the doctor, and getting hardly any school done…..But- you’ve just got to go with the flow!
I spent the rest of the afternoon then at the Baby Home and enjoyed time there with those precious kids! And, that was encouraging to me….I love spending time there and seeing the babies.
“If the LORD delights in a man’s way, He makes his steps firm. Though he stumble, he will not fall for the LORD upholds him with His hand.”~Psalms 37:23-24
Life is beautiful…..and I am so thankful for the adventure that God has me on…..it’s not always super easy, I won’t say I’m never confused, and I always kinda wish I knew what was gonna happen next……Bottom line though….God is good, I totally trust Him and love Him, and I want to live my life in a way that reflects that…..letting Him be hope, and joy, and love, and peace in and through me to others.